The Fool’s Search for Self
Monday, January 26th, 2009
“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.”
—Henry David Thoreau, author, 1817-1862
So the Fool has arrived into balance. And then what? While he has come far in establishing harmony in his life, his life may well be far from over. But he has his health, peace of mind and has met many encounters with difficult and and trying circumstances. Perhaps this Fool has mastered life. Perhaps not.
The Devil is not necessarily clothed in horns and a red suit showing us the way to evil outside of our self. The devil can represent the ignorance, hopelessness and arrogance that we each carry. Sometimes the mundane and ordinary concerns of the material world bind us to a life that does not produce any gifts to mankind, personal growth and learning. If we are a dentist duly performing our duty day after day, it is hard to see anything beyond the need to provide for our family, pay the mortgage, socialize with friends and thus go on like this day after day. These material needs may be innocent but represent such security that most people cling to them as if they are the most important part of life. This system is so common and so compelling that it represents the better part of the mass of life unlived as Thoreau claims above but it is a form of slavery and avoidance. My point is that while we Fools do need to get a handle on the basics of existance, to stay stuck in this place is like playing the first part of the movie over and over again and never seeing the conclusion because you are afraid to go there. The price that our Fool pays is very dear, because the material existance leads to an empty life of despair. What do they say? Many people are living a life of quiet desperation. That life is the devil within us.
Sudden change seems to be the release from this type of self made prison. Sometimes we call these changes midlife crisis. Sometimes divorce or disease or job loss forces change upon us. But, upon us the life we have built so carefully year after year comes crashing down. Ususally a monumental crisis forces us to look within and then change. While these sudden changes are generally emotionally traumatizing for a period, only large crises can generate sufficient power to shake some people to the core to see what is really there.
Like a lightening bolt hitting us, we are humbled by the force that we do not control or contain. With this force comes the truth revealed about that situation. And the Fool can see that some of his former beliefs were based on false impressions. The job, diseased body, death, or disfunctional partnership emerges as the culprit to show us that nothing is permanent and that everything changes.
No longer disguised in our former life, the Fool emerges with a serene calm. Inspiration and hope are restored as our Fool places his future in the mystery of life knowing that everything will end up alright. The Fool is a stronger person who is at peace with the world.
But, no rest for the weary Fool. That peace that comes from tragedy cannot last forever either. It is in those dreamy and calm moments that our Fool can become susceptable to fantasy, deception and distortion based upon a false and dreamy picture of the future. Like the moonlight, the creative imagination is only a reflection of the mind and can wander into fantasy of exuberance or of fear and anxiety about the future causing the Fool to feel lost and bewildered.
But, a little further down the path, clarity arises with the light of the Sun on a new fresh morning. The Fool is nearly ready to start on a new life with cheerful energy and enthusiasm. He has been humbled but has the self assurance to stand up and face a new day. A strong Fool will draw to him everything he needs to understand and realize the goodness that the world can bring.
As if reborn anew, the ego was shattered, allowing the true self to shine through. Joy is experienced as this Fool leaves the rotting corpse of the ego and its whole manifest universe behind. The game that was playing out was a drama built by the self for actualization and is no longer needed. The Fool is cleansed and refreshed, a better and wiser person, able to choose which values to cherish and which to discard. This lucky Fool emerges victorious as he better understands his values and purpose in living this life. Doubt and hesitation is replaced with the energy to create his own reality and follow his true dream.
Re-entering the world with new vitality and more understanding the Fool has become whole again. The false world vision of the ego has been met head on and crashed to the ground and the true self has emerged with a smile and a wink. Happiness and fulfillment are the result regardless of material situation. The Fool has learned that nothing is permanent and that we come to this world with nothing and leave that way.
This realization allows the Fool to give of himself freely and render service by sharing the gifts that he has developed. Thus, his accomplishments are many. Our Fool has found the meaning of his life and the courage to pursue it.
This cycle ends and another cycle begins in a never ending game called life. A new Journey begins.











