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Posted on September 2nd, 2008 by shannon. Answered on September 3rd, 2008
A: Every day is a new chance to make a difference. Like a canvas, you paint your deeds. One at a time.
If you are having difficulties, focus on one activity at a time. Don't worry about the outcome. Just practice at going one step at a time.
Stop thinking about the future. Stay in the moment, doing what you are doing. Do the very best that you can on each step of the way.
You might see that it is easier than you think. Because you are breaking the task at hand down into one day at a time.
Be well. You are loved.
Answered on September 3rd, 2008
Q: How can I tell when I meet someone if I am seeing the person's true personality or a false one that hides a bad person?
Posted on September 14th, 2008 by Penina. Answered on September 15th, 2008
A: What a great question! Just the very fact that you are asking means that you are an optimistic person who has run into some people who have build up false personalities around emotional deficits. Now, you probably have your radar up and on the lookout for people who have underdeveloped personalities due to childhood difficulties that have progressed into pathology as adults.
Emotionally immature people do exist in significant number and you are at risk of meeting quite a number of them in your lifetime. They seek out people who show empathy, lend an ear and give a sympathetic reaction.
Your family training might have left you vulnerable to develop relationships with dysfunctional people. Sometimes families have a history of accepting abnormal behavior because of the love and respect that is fostered in that family. However, family members are often the most destructive forces in our lives but we feel that we need to avoid speaking up when we need to or accept abusive behavior and accept anger.
It is there that we have learned to override our feelings of fear, concern or discomfort and accept the result. It is sometimes from our fathers that we learn to accept any kind of male attention that we can get, even if it violates our boundaries or hurts our inner feelings.
While we want to accept the people that we meet at surface value, they are not generally showing their deepest self at first blush. You may have been ignoring the warnings that you sensed in the past because you want to believe that people are generally good and honest.
But there are clues. There are red flags. You need to take responsibility for the people that you choose to spend time with. You are not a hostage.
Here are a few ideas:
1. Pay attention to your body sensations like fear, pounding heart or general discomfort when this person is with you.
2. Pay attention to your intuition. When the person is trying to convince you of something that you know is not right even though the person may be polite.
3. Pay attention to your emotions. How do you feel around this person. Are you grounded and happy? Are you having difficulty eating or sleeping?
4. Are you doing anything that you didn't think possible before? Drinking and partying? Drugs? Other unsafe behavior?
So, watch for the indicators that show the signs of an unhealthy person. They are there from the beginning. Just don't ignore them because you want to give them the benefit of the doubt. Chances are that you have a toxic personality on your hands.
Lastly, I just want to add that it is virtually assured that you will not be able to change this person. Chances are that they have a personality disorder, diagnosed or undiagnosed. Pathology, once developed in an adult is not going to go away. In fact, generally, symptoms increase with age.
Pathological personalities do not have much insight into their own problems. And, the sad part is, the result is generally a long and tragic dysfunctional interpersonal relationship.
If you are thinking along these lines, move on.
You deserve better. Be healthy. Stay with people that make you smile.
Answered on September 15th, 2008
